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Madison Young on motherhood and sexuality
Madison Young is a lot of things: a writer, a queer and BDSM porn star and director, a performance artist, director of the feminist art gallery Femina Potens, and most recently, a mother. Young gave birth to her daughter, Emma, last March. Ever since, she’s been exploring the intersection of sexuality and motherhood in her performance art, and is even working on a children’s book called My Mommy is a Love Artist.
Young’s art exhibits, with titles such as “Building Our Own White Picket Fences” and “Becoming MILF,” have explored queerness and sex, and how they converge with being a mother. In one photographic piece about the sexual and non-sexual roles of breasts, Young is shown topless with the image of a milk carton concealing one breast, and a television covering the other. Another piece was a quilt comprised of both burp cloths and “porn star panties.” At one exhibit, Young served breast milkshakes.
Salon writer Tracy Clark-Flory interviewed Young about what has changed since her daughter’s birth. In response to the oft-asked question, “What are you going to tell your child?”, Young describes her children’s book, which just happens to sound amazing:
What I tell everyone is that I plan on being honest with my child and talking with her in a language she understands, which is the same as I do with any member of my family or anyone who is outside of the adult industry.
. . . I’m creating a children’s book right now that’s called My Mommy Is a Love Artist. It’s about a mom who creates art and film that captures the love that people have for one another. There are hearts everywhere and it’s like, “My mom goes on a safari, she goes through the wildnerness and finds people who are having magical experiences together and then captures them on film as they have their magic love.” It shows them holding hands and kissing. It advocates for love and for connection. And a lot of the people that I do shoot are real couples. Everything that I do is about capturing actual authentic pleasure. I think you can explain pleasure to a child — they have pleasurable moments, they love to give hugs and to receive kisses and be tickled. I’ll inform her about more things as it makes sense to address them, but I want her to understand the basic concepts of what I do. Right now, though, it’s all Elmo to her!
Young has even launched “The Sexy Mamas Social Club” in San Francisco, where moms gather to share their experiences with sex and motherhood. The group members are writing an anthology.
Read the whole interview for more of Young’s refreshing view on balancing motherhood and sexuality.
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We’ve been nominated for the Q Means Business Award!
For the past several months, our friends at the Q Center have been receiving nominations for their 2012 Winter Gala Awards. There are three awards categories, and we’ve been nominated for the Q Means Business Award, along with some other great organizations! The criteria for all nominees is as follows:
- They lead by example
- They promote healthy individuals, families and community
- Their actions are motivated out of altruism and respect
- They believe diversity is a strength
- They encourage and support the vision and dreams of others
- They encourage others to expand their vision
Winners will be announced at the Q Center’s 2012 Winter Gala this Saturday, February 18th, at the YU Contemporary Art Center. The Gala promises fabulous food and drink, live auctions, and music by DJ Bob Mould. There are less than 100 tickets left for the Winter Gala, so get yours now!
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Cultivating a Healthy and Happy Pelvic Floor
Wednesday, March 7th — 7:30 p.m. — $10
You’ve heard that doing your Kegels will enhance your orgasms and prevent incontinence, but how do you know you’re doing them correctly? How many? Which muscles? How long to hold? Should you be doing anything else other than Kegels to keep your pelvic floor happy and strong?
Get those questions answered and more with Dr. Anna Koteff, pelvic floor physical therapist. She will teach you how to do Kegels the right way, when to squeeze and when not to squeeze, and how to work those pelvic floor exercises into your daily routine. We all have pelvic floors but often know so little about how they work (or only learn about them when they don’t!). Stay ahead of the curve — come join us!
Dr. Anna Koteff, PT, DPT is a physical therapist with Everybody Physical Therapy in Portland and Vancouver. She specializes in pelvic floor rehabilitation for conditions including pelvic pain, incontinence, interstitial cystitis, and pregnancy/postpartum-related issues.
This workshop is open to all genders and sexual appetites!
Limited space available — sign up online!
8
Dylan Ryan and The H-Word
Bitch‘s The H-Word was an eight-week-long post series written by sex workers. Named after the pejorative term “hooker,” the goal of the series was to give sex workers — from all around the country, and from all areas of the industry — a space to talk about their lives and experiences. As Melissa Petro wrote in the introduction to the series, “We are spoken about ad nauseam but not allowed to speak.”
One piece, “Make Your Own Porn,” was written by feminist porn star Dylan Ryan. Ryan’s first foray into sex work was as a stripper, but her job at Good Vibrations would plant the seed for her future in porn. While working at Good Vibes, she would have discussions with co-worker Shine Louise Houston about starting a queer porn company. When Houston got Pink and White Productions off the ground, Ryan’s career in porn began.
But Ryan doesn’t always shoot with queer companies and directors. She encounters the stereotypes that still exist in mainstream porn, and they make it strange for her as a queer woman, especially when she’s asked to shoot soft “girl/girl” scenes.
As a queer performer, I’m asked to show a kind of sex which is not always authentic to me, one that’s less challenging when I’m having sex with a cis gendered man on camera and more challenging when I’m having sex with a woman. I sometimes feel like it’s “Here, perform homosexual sex but do it just like this. Don’t be too queer. We can’t sell that.”
I think that the bulk of my eight years has really been about talking about this, showing my authentic sexuality, performing in projects that highlight and show and discuss and reflect on sexuality . . . I think the advent of feminist porn has been hugely helpful. Feminist porn is rising to the fore these last five or so years has shone a spotlight on diverse pornographic representations, from women making porn to queer pornmakers. I think the consumer can ask for their sexuality to be better represented in porn. I decided that making porn would be great because porn I watched never did it for me. I never saw myself represented, nor did I see my sexuality portrayed. It made sense for me to try and make porn that was my sex. Though not a choice that every person could or should make, that’s another way of going about it… make your own porn. Show your own sexuality.
Read the rest of Dylan Ryan’s piece, then check out the rest of the diverse posts from The H-Word series.
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She Bop’s Picks: Valentine’s Day
Is it any surprise we’re big fans of Valentine’s Day? Of course, we believe in love and pleasure all year round, but it’s nice to have a day set aside for celebrating in style. In fact, Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to scout out something new for your bedroom adventures. Here are our recommendations for sexy items to make this Valentine’s Day memorable (and pleasurable!). Check out last year’s picks for even more ideas.
Tenga Lover’s Egg
The ridiculously cute Tenga Lover’s Egg is a limited edition version of the very popular Tenga Egg. Tenga Eggs are self-contained, stretchy pleasure sleeves that each come with a pouch of lube. This sleeve has a special heart inner texture unlike any other egg before it, and a heart-patterned casing to match. There’s a sense of playfulness and spontaneity about Tenga Eggs, making them perfect for solo or partner play.
We-Vibe Touch
The We-Vibe Touch clitoral vibe is many things: made of 100% silicone, rechargeable, waterproof, magenta-colored (although it also comes in teal)… but above all, it delivers deep, rumbly vibrations that will surprise and delight whoever uses it. It also has a unique shape — a lightly-pointed tip and an indented scoop on the underside — that will satisfy those who enjoy pinpoint stimulation and those who prefer wider pressure.
I Dare You: 30 Sealed Seductions
This seductive product, created by sex guru Susie Bright, urges you to have some mischievous fun with your partner. Open the elegant box, select a sealed envelope at random, and open it. The card inside will reveal your next course of action — a sexy dare or prompt — that can bring you and your partner even closer.
Gossip Ring
A finger vibe that looks like a rose — how much cuter can you get? Well, how about a finger vibe that also doubles as a cock ring, and still looks like a rose? The Gossip Ring is all of that and more! Made of phthalate-free TPR, the Gossip Ring is also waterproof.
Pink and White Ball Gag
If you like to get rough with your lover, we haven’t forgotten you! This impeccably-constructed, candy-colored ball gag from Aslan Leather may look sweet and innocent, but it’s really a heavy-duty bondage implement. The leather strap features a snap-out safety design with a sturdy buckle closure, and the ball is 100% silicone, ensuring that it is entirely flavorless.
Love is Art
Everyone hopes to to have a memorable Valentine’s Day, but with the Love is Art kit, you’ll definitely never forget — because the proof will be on your wall! That’s right: this kit includes everything you need to create a permanent piece of artwork from you and your partners’ body movements. Pour the non-toxic, washable black paint on the large white cotton canvas, then let your bodies do the painting. This kit leaves no stone unturned: it also comes with a big plastic sheet, two pairs of disposable slippers, and a body scrubber for the shower.
Seal it with a Kiss
An entire book on kissing? Oh yes! There is much to be learned about the art of kissing, and Violet Blue tackles the subject with honesty and sass, not to mention tons and tons of tips, from the overarching (how to hint at a kiss with your body language) to the smallest of details (how to keep lipstick from smudging). No matter how much kissing you’ve done, you’ll learn something new and be inspired to put your knowledge into practice.
Double Heart Slapper
Making a lasting impression on your lover with this heart-patterned paddle. This sturdy, double-layered slapper is split down the center, creating a magnificent slapping sound and feel. Perfect for a light bit of fun — or to ensure that your playmate will feel the aftermath of Valentine’s Day on February 15th.
Double Decker Love Ring
There is probably no cock ring in existence that has more Valentine’s Day spirit than the Double Decker Love Ring. Bright red and adorned with raised hearts, the Double Decker has two powerful bullets for stimulation of both partners at once. The bullets each have three speeds and can be controlled independently. The ring is stretchy and comfortable for maximum satisfaction.
ON Clitoral Arousal Balm
Need to jump-start the sexy times, or give yourself or your partner something to squirm about during dinner? With its lipstick-like presentation, ON Clitoral Arousal Balm is easy to apply, and you’ll start to feel the effects immediately. This balm creates a warming and tingling sensation that you won’t be able to ignore. ON is a natural product, with ingredients such as cinnamon bark extract and white beeswax. It is glycerin-, paraben-, and menthol-free.
Gothfox pasties
Keep the Valentine’s Day spirit going year-round with these incredible handmade pasties from Gothfox. The Couture Valentine Rhinestone Pasties are literally covered in rhinestones — approximately 140 rhinestones per pastie, depending on size! — and feature bright red tassels for epic twirling. The Couture Rose Pasties resemble a beautiful bouquet of red satin roses. Gothfox pasties are made with a soft rayon and cotton backing, and cupped to contour with the breast’s natural curve. They’re made to last a lifetime.
Simply Blown G-Glass
There’s just something alluring about glass sex toys, and Simply Blown’s G-Glass is a stunning example of that, with its contrast of clear and colored glass. This piece has a gentle curve and a rounded handle, so both ends can be used for sensual G-spot stimulation, and the frictionless feeling of glass only adds to the pleasure. Of course, we recommend red for Valentine’s Day, but purple is nice too.
Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight!
This book is described as “hip” and “contemporary,” so we’re pretty sure that it’s perfect for Portlanders! Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight! is an in-depth guide to having awesome sex. It’s fresh, comprehensive, and bursting with ideas for igniting passion and having fun.
X-Rated Candies
Do you or your partner have a sweet tooth — and a somewhat profane sense of humor? Then you’ll definitely like X-Rated Valentine Hearts and the I Fucking Love You Candy Heart Box. Both contain candy hearts that look exactly like regular conversation hearts from afar, but once you read their messages, you’ll notice the difference.
31
New product round-up for January
It’s always nice when a new toy comes along that fulfills a much-needed role in sex toy land. The Tantus Flex is one of those toys: a double-penetration dildo made of 100% silicone (most are made of unsafe jelly). And there aren’t a ton of 100% silicone rabbit vibes on the market, either, which is why we’re thrilled about the new Vibratex Violet. 
This dual vibe has seriously in-depth controls (six buttons, to be exact!), and the clitoral stimulator is shaped like a winged creature — or manta ray, we aren’t quite sure.
This month, we also picked up the We-Vibe Touch, a snappy little rechargeable clit vibe with a tapered tip and a scoop on the underside, and the Silver Bullet. We chose this particular silver bullet because it has a plug-in battery pack — any compatible bullet can plug into it! If you are looking for a particular style of bullet, ask us and we can special order one for you.
We’ve had requests for a cylinder pump, and we finally found one we liked in the 3 Cylinder Pump System. This is the perfect tool for temporarily enlarging your clit/penis, and it increases genital sensation as well. Really cool!
Perhaps you like the look of anal beads but would prefer them in butt plug form? Well then, Happy Valley’s Triton should be right up your alley. Plus, it has a looped handle that can accommodate a small bullet vibe.
For your viewing pleasure, we now carry Andrew Blake’s fetish film Close-Ups, and Erika Lust’s sensual and poetic new movie, Cabaret Desire. For your reading pleasure, we added three books: Best Sex Writing 2012; a spanking-themed erotica collection called Spanked; and a guidebook to having the best sex ever, Hot Sex: Over 200 Things You Can Try Tonight!.
We know how fun (and useful) those little lube pillow pack samples can be, so we’ve put together a Lil’ Lube Sampler Kit that includes 6 samples of some of our most popular organic water-based lubes. Perfect for tossing in your virtual shopping cart right before check-out! We also picked up ON Clitoral Arousal Balm, a stimulating balm that resembles a mini tube of lipstick.
With Valentine’s Day around the corner, we could not resist stocking the limited edition Tenga Lover’s Egg. This adorable, compact masturbation sleeve has a heart-shaped inner texture — and a heart-patterned outer shell. (Aww.)
On that special night, perhaps you’d like to set the mood with the newest Afterglow Candle scent, grapefruit? And for keeping the sheets dry, consider the Liberator Decor Fascinator Throe. With a liquid-resistant core and luxurious outer lining, this blanket is truly magical… and inconspicuous!
Finally, we don’t want you to be without some silly (and somewhat vulgar) options for Valentine’s Day goodies, so check out X-Rated Valentine Hearts, I Fucking Love You Candy Heart Box, and the X-Rated Valentine Heart-Shaped Balloons.
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Wanted: Sex Toy Maven
We are seeking a highly energetic and professional individual to fill a part-time position as a sales associate and educator. She Bop is a female friendly sex toy boutique specializing in body safe products and education. We offer a fun, safe, comfortable and sex-positive environment for people of all genders, sexual orientations and social backgrounds. Duties include, but are not limited to: assisting and educating customers on the floor, ringing up customers, daily light cleaning, unpacking shipments and entering products into the POS system and website, answering the phone, assisting with afterhours parties and classes, filling website orders, and twice yearly inventory.
We are hiring for 24-32 hours/week with the potential for additional hours in the future. Applicant must be available to work weekend hours. This position starts at $10/hr. At least 2 years retail/ customer service experience required. Previous sex toy sales experience or knowledge preferred. Sexuality education background/ knowledge preferred. You must be 18 years or older to apply for this position.
If you are interested in joining our little team please call 503-450-9901 and leave a message telling us why you think you would be a good fit for this position. You will only have 60 seconds so keep it brief and to the point. In addition, please email your resume to admin [at] sheboptheshop [dot] com — be sure to put your name as the first thing in the subject line. Please do not drop resumes off at the shop and do not call or email the shop directly.
Thanks!
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Electrifying the Senses for Even Better Sex
Thursday, February 23rd — 7:30 p.m. — $20
Honing in on your lover’s senses is a bridge to a realm where sex takes on new intensities and immeasurable pleasures. Here’s your chance to discover what happens when we deny or electrify one or more of the senses. This demonstration-packed workshop is about coupling sex with blindfolds, gags, earplugs and headphones. Hot wax, cool steel, and cold ice. Feathers, fur, and more. Simple tools from the dollar store (or your kitchen) and gorgeous works of art from the sex toy store.
Come join Felice Shays as she shows you (through optional hands-on exploration) a treasure trove of ideas, techniques, and sweet and devious ways to bring you and your lover the gifts of sensory deprivation and exhilaration. Everyone welcome — come alone or bring a friend.
Known for her straight talk infused with humor, Felice Shays provides personal sexual and BDSM education across the US and Canada. A recent transplant from Brooklyn, NY, Felice provides sex and BDSM counseling to individuals and couples, and has presented at a plethora of events, groups, and private functions for a decade. Felice also produces sex and BDSM parties for women and trans people.
This workshop is open to all genders and sexual appetites!
Limited space available — sign up online!
20
Pushing back against the transphobic Girl Scout cookie boycott
Last fall, Girl Scouts of Colorado issued a statement formally accepting transgender youth into their troops. “If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl,” the statement read, “Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.”
Now that Girl Scout cookie season is on the horizon, a 14-year-old former Girl Scout named Taylor has issued a response in the form of a transphobic call to boycott Girl Scout cookies. Her video, which went viral last week, consists of transphobic language that does not bear repeating. Taylor’s fundamental misunderstanding and misconstruing of trans issues has rightfully offended a great many people, including us.
A national Girl Scouts spokeswoman responded to the controversy in an email to The Washington Post, writing that the organization “prided itself on being an inclusive organization serving girls from all walks of life.” Meanwhile, trans activist and porn star Buck Angel has released a video about his experience in a Girl Scout troop when he was younger. The video is a brief but effective reminder of what Girl Scouts stand for.
Transcript:
Hi, my name’s Buck. And when I was growing up, I was a Girl Scout. I was born as a girl but I always knew I was a guy, and all my family and friends — and even the Girl Scouts — knew I was a little boy. And they accepted me into the Girl Scout troop, and everyone was loving and giving, and it was never an issue. And I just wanted to give a shout-out to Girl Scouts for accepting transgender girls into the Girl Scout troops. ‘Cause Girl Scouts was actually a very big part of me growing up. It really helped me learn lots of things and respect, friends, how to get along with people — and most importantly, how to sell those Girl Scout cookies. So support Girl Scouts, they’re amazing. Thin Mints [are] my favorite cookie. So please, buy as many cookies as you can and help them to really get the message across that it’s not about anything other than showing love and respect and learning how to be a good person. That’s what Girl Scouts is about.
Thank you, Buck, for speaking your mind. We completely agree! And we are quite fond of Thin Mints ourselves.
Girl Scouts of Oregon and Southwest Washington have begun taking cookie orders for the year. Booths will be set up from February 17 through March 11; there’s even a cookie locator app to help you find one. Read about all the cookies here to get your mouth watering. Hopefully this controversy will lead to more cookie sales, not less.
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Interviews with the author of Big Big Love
Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) is a landmark body-positive book that was originally published in 2000. In 2011, it was majorly overhauled and re-released, and we quickly added it to our catalog. The revised Big Big Love contains new illustrations, interviews, quotes, and resources, as well as more inclusive language surrounding sexuality and gender identity.
Author Hanne Blank was interviewed on both Salon and Bitch about the release. In her interview with Salon, Blank discusses myths about fat sex, what sex and fatness have in common, benefits to fat sex, and fat fetishism. To the question, “Why is a book about fat sex necessary? What is so different about fat sex?”, Blank responds:
What is so different about fat sex is that it’s one of the kinds of sex that mainstream culture tells us we’re not supposed to want, have or approve of. There’s a machine, a huge cultural and industrial juggernaut that is devoted to making us believe that the right kind of sex and the right kind of sexual desirability is the be-all-end-all.
And in her interview with Bitch — which was actually conducted by one of She Bop’s fabulous sales ladies, Yana! — Blank offers her views on reclaiming the word fat, what fat activisim and feminism have in common, fat-negativity in the media, and even her crushes on queer porn director Courtney Trouble and erotic icon April Flores. When Bitch asks, “Who was Big Big Love written for?” Blank says,
BBL was written for people who have bodies and who also negotiate their own sexuality, especially if — but not exclusively if — they’re fat. It’s also for anyone who is or has ever been attracted to, interested in or in a relationship with someone who is, was or might someday be fat.
. . . It’s not exactly a big secret that people with bodies of all different sizes often feel that their bodies are “not good enough” for them to deserve happy, healthy, satisfying sex lives. Threats of undesirability or unloveability are used to terrorize, oppress and silence women. It is a cultural dictate that “good,” “successful,” “real” women are those who are sexually desired, objectified and the objects of a particular kind of love that is directly connected to a particular model of physical attractiveness. In the book, I call this out for the hurtful, insidious bullshit that it is.
Indeed. And that is why Big Big Love is such an important book — it’s really written for everyone.
Welcome to She Bop’s blog!
She Bop is a women-owned sex toy boutique specializing in body safe products and education. Our mission is to promote healthy and safe sexuality by offering quality products and educational workshops in a fun and comfortable environment. She Bop welcomes people of all genders and sexual orientations.Featured products
Upcoming events
- February 23, 2012 – Electrifying the Senses for Even Better Sex
- March 7, 2012 – Cultivating a Healthy and Happy Pelvic Floor
- March 21, 2012 – Exploring Burlesque: Striptease Salon
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