A Nuanced Look At Rimming
Let’s start by clearing the air. The word itself—rimming—can trigger a cascade of reactions: intrigue, curiosity, apprehension, or outright dismissal. Often cloaked in euphemisms or relegated to the shadowy corners of sexual discourse, it remains one of the more misunderstood and stigmatized acts. So, let’s pull it into the light, not with sensationalism, but with nuance. This isn’t a manifesto to convince you to try it, but a guide to understanding it—its pleasures, its considerations, and its absolute foundation in consent and care.
It’s probably too much to call an article about analingus hard-hitting journalism, but a few years ago, Amanda Hess did a great job in her piece for Playboy called “Tongue in Cheek: The Men Who Want This Sex Act Aren’t Kidding.”
While other sex acts (such as anal sex) have become more commonly accepted as the years have gone by, male anal play still lags behind. Yet when Esquire asked 500 men what they wanted more of during foreplay, 12% named rim jobs — two times the number who desired “a little rough play.”
Beyond the Taboo: What Are We Actually Talking About?
Clinically known as anilingus, rimming is oral stimulation of the anus. At its core, it’s about nerve endings. The anus is densely packed with them, making it an area of potential intense sensitivity and pleasure for the receiver. For the giver, the act can be an intimate form of worship, a profound exercise in trust and vulnerability.
But to discuss it only in physical terms misses the point. The power of rimming lies in its psychological landscape. In a world that often teaches us to treat our backsides as strictly utilitarian, even shameful, consciously choosing to explore it with a trusted partner can be a radical act of body acceptance and shared vulnerability.
Why are men ashamed of rimming?
Charlie Glickman, author of The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, explains that the taboo surrounding male anal play has a lot to do with shame — and a perceived loss of masculinity. Rimming is much more prevalent among gay men, which probably explains the (untrue) myth that male anal play is solely a gay activity.
Michael reasons that rim jobs might be more common among gays because they are “a logical precursor to anal sex.” But they also just feel good. Psychological roadblocks to butt play mean that men who opt out are missing out, pure and simple. The anus has “got all of this exquisite sensitivity—it’s similar to the nerves in your lips,” Glickman says. When licked, “It kind of tickles,” Michael adds. “But it also stimulates other erogenous zones, like my penis and my nipples. It’s the whole body package.”
Rimming is for Everyone!
There is also a choice quote from Tristan Taormino: “The asshole is the most democratic of all orifices — we all have one!” It’s true: aside from the physical pleasure it brings, rimming can also empower partners and open up the lines of communication.
Read the whole article on Playboy.
The Dual Pillars: Safety and Consent
We cannot have nuance without first addressing the elephant in the room: hygiene and safety. This is where preparation transforms the act from a risky taboo into a considered, pleasurable choice.
Communication is Non-Negotiable: This must be a full and enthusiastic "yes" from all parties. Discuss desires, boundaries, and any concerns openly. No one should ever feel pressured.
Hygiene is a Form of Care: For the receiver, this might involve a shower and external cleaning. The use of dental dams or latex underwear for the giver is a highly recommended barrier against the transmission of bacteria and STIs. It’s not unsexy; it’s smart and responsible. Flavored dams exist, and cutting a condom into a square can work in a pinch.
Health Check: STIs like HPV, herpes, hepatitis, and others can be transmitted through rimming. Regular testing and honest conversations about sexual health are foundational.
The Spectrum of Pleasure and Intimacy
If you move forward with those pillars firmly in place, what’s the experience about?
For the Receiver: It can range from a teasing, ticklish sensation to deep, overwhelming waves of pleasure. The combination of physical sensation and psychological release—of feeling fully accepted—can be powerful.
For the Giver: The pleasure is often psychological and sensual: the scent and feel of a partner’s skin, the sounds they make, the control and focus of the act itself. It is an act of intense giving.
The Connective Tissue: Ultimately, for many who enjoy it, rimming is less about the specific act and more about what it represents: a level of trust and intimacy that feels boundary-less. It’s a whispered secret between lovers.
Navigating Hesitations and "No's"
Nuance means making space for disinterest. Not wanting to give or receive rimming is a completely valid preference. It doesn’t make you prudish, unadventurous, or judgmental. It simply means it’s not for you. A truly enlightened sexual ethic respects hard boundaries as much as it encourages exploration.
A Framework for Exploration, If You're Curious
If the conversation leads to mutual curiosity, start slow.
Shower Together: Make cleansing a sensual, shared part of the ritual. Or come prepared if you like a bit of alone preening time.
Explore with Fingers First: Use well-lubricated fingers to touch and massage the area. How does it feel?
Use a Barrier: Start with a dental dam. It reduces anxiety for both people.
Focus on the Perineum & Outer Ring: Begin with kissing and licking around the area, not diving straight in. Gauge reactions.
Check-In Constantly: "How does this feel?" is your most important phrase.
Try Rimming
Interested in learning more and perhaps trying out analingus? We suggest Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men, Charlie Glickman’s The Ultimate Guide to Prostate Pleasure, and dental dams always come in handy too.
The Bottom Line (Pun Intended)
Rimming, in its nuanced reality, is neither a forbidden fantasy nor a mandatory milestone for the sexually advanced. It is simply an option—one that requires more communication, preparation, and trust than most.
When approached with education, respect, and enthusiastic consent, it can be a doorway to a unique form of intimacy. When declined, it’s a testament to personal boundaries. The true maturity in our sexual lives lies not in what we do or don’t do, but in our ability to discuss all of it with honesty, without shame, and with deep respect for the human on the other side of the conversation.