Browsing posts tagged with prostate stimulation Archives – Page 3 of 3 – She Bop's Blog

How to find and stimulate the prostate

The prostate gland is an integral part of the male body’s sexual and reproductive anatomy. Located just below the bladder, its job — along with the seminal vesicles — is to produce most of the fluid that makes up semen. Lately, though, it’s becoming known as a lot more than that. It’s becoming known as the pleasure center it can be.

You’ve probably heard the prostate described as the “P-spot” or “male G-spot,” and it’s true that the prostate and G-spot have a lot in common. Both engorge and expand when a person is turned on; both produce a “need to pee” sensation due to their proximity to the urethra; and both respond to similar stimulation techniques — firm pressure, curved sex toys, and strong vibration.

About the size of a walnut, the prostate can be stimulated by inserting a finger or toy about 2-2.5″ inside the anus and curling it toward the front of the body. Beginners often use fingers for prostate stimulation because they are so dexterous. Using a finger, the giver can actually feel for and locate the prostate, and they have complete control over their finger’s precise movements. Of course, sex toys are also a great way to explore the prostate (especially solo), but this guide will focus on using a partner’s fingers to find and stimulate your prostate for the first time.

Why massage the prostate?

Prostate stimulation feels very unique, and it produces powerful sensations that you are not likely to feel during other types of sexual activity. As it is separate from pleasure in the penis (unless, of course, you add penis stimulation to the mix), prostate massage allows you to enjoy bliss and sexual energy without ejaculating.

And yet, because of the prostate gland’s bodily purpose, stimulation of it can feel somewhat like impending ejaculation. Obviously, this is very pleasurable, sometimes even overwhelmingly so. Folks report that orgasms triggered by prostate stimulation feel different, more full-bodied, even longer and more powerful than penis-focused ejaculatory orgasms.

But that’s not all — prostate massage is also good for your health! It can increase blood flow (which in turn brings in oxygen and removes waste products from your cells), wipe out blockages and trapped fluids in the prostate gland, relieve muscle tension, reduce the risk of prostate cancer, help you develop an awareness of how your prostate feels (so that if you develop an infection or irritation, you can pinpoint it), and of course, intensify sexual response. In fact, some people report firmer erections, stronger orgasms, and even the ability to have multiple orgasms after engaging in regular prostate massage.

Banish myths from your mind

There are several myths we’d like to dispel immediately. Especially this one: enjoyment of anal penetration has nothing to do with your masculinity or sexual orientation. It simply means you like anal penetration!

Many folks are worried about the perceived messiness of anal play, but that isn’t as big of an issue as you’d think. The rectum is merely a passageway for the digestive system. As long as you eat enough fiber and have regular bowel movements, there won’t be much fecal matter hanging around the rectum.

Remember, as well, that stimulating your butt on your own terms will be nothing like the prostate exams you get from a doctor. Medical prostate exams are meant to be clinical, not sexual, so don’t let your experiences with them deter you from trying something new.

Arm yourself with the essentials

Now you’ll need to set aside some time to explore your prostate, either solo or with a partner. It’s very important that you not feel rushed. Also, set aside some lube! The anus is not self-lubricating, and lube makes anal penetration feel better. Thicker lubes, like Sliquid Organics Gel, are popular for anal play because they add cushioning, but check out our Lube 101 guide for in-depth info on choosing the right lube.

If you’d like, you can take a bath or shower before play, which is a great way to both get clean and relax. You may also want to pee, as stimulating the prostate can make you feel like you need to urinate. While certainly not necessary, some folks find it comforting to rinse their anuses out with a squeeze bottle enema a few hours prior to anal play. Remember to use only water in your enema, and keep it at a warm (not hot or cold) temperature.

You don’t want any rough skin or sharp edges in your butt, so the giver should trim and file their nails prior to play. Or they can use gloves or finger cots to smooth out their fingers and make clean-up a snap.

Getting down to business

Begin with whatever turns you on, whether that is reading erotica, watching porn, rimming, oral sex, or anything else. Massages are also particularly good, as they can relax you. Take your time, because the more aroused you are, the more sensitive and accessible your prostate will be.

Yes, if our advice about prostate massage (and all anal play, really) had to be condensed into just one word, it would be relax. Relaxation is absolutely key, because anal play isn’t about stretching or widening the anus, but rather relaxing it open. The anus is actually made up of two rings of muscle: an outer ring, which is easy  to clench and unclench, and an inner ring, which is more difficult to control.

Therefore, your frame of mind can influence much of how you experience anal play. If you feel stressed, worried, or unable to calm down, your butt will follow suit by tightening up. Likewise, if you feel happy and prepared, you will be in the best possible state to experience anal penetration.

Choose a position that feels most comfortable for you, and allows you to — you guessed it! — relax. Lying on your back with a pillow (or the Jaz Motion) under your butt is probably the most popular position for beginners, as it lifts your hips up. You can also lay on your stomach, prop yourself up on your elbows and knees, lean against a wall, or stand with one foot on a chair (that one is good for solo play).

Your partner should begin with some teasing and external stimulation, rubbing your perineum and inner thighs and massaging the external anal muscle. Focus on your breathing and take slow, deep breaths. Don’t forget the lube, and lots of it!

When you are ready, have your partner lightly press the pad of their index or middle finger against your anus. As you exhale, let their finger be drawn inside. They should keep their finger still and refrain from any in-and-out movement, allowing your butt to get used to the sensation. Next, they can gently massage the inside of your anus, using small circles, up and down, side to side motions, or whatever feels good to you.

Always go slow, as slow as you need to go. Your partner should make it a priority to check in with you often, and you should communicate with them openly about what’s working and what’s not. Tell them if you’d like more or less pressure, or slower or faster strokes. If something feels uncomfortable, let them know. Don’t be afraid to add more lube! (And if you feel pain at any point, stop the action and take a break.)

Now you can have your partner curl their finger toward your belly and feel along the upper wall of the rectal lining for a round bulb of tissue that feels firm and spongy. That’s the prostate! Your partner may be able to feel it, or you may notice that it feels different when touched. Using the pad of their finger — not their nail — they should stroke the spot with an upward “come here” motion.

If you start to feel like you need to pee, you are actually doing things right! The prostate surrounds the urethra, so stimulation of it sends a signal to your brain that you need to urinate. With time, this sensation should become less uncomfortable, but for now, try to just relax into it.

Have your partner experiment with different massage techniques, such as stroking, pressing, and rubbing the prostate. Firm pressure tends to be better than light strokes, but always communicate. If you’d like, ask your partner to use their other hand, a vibrator, or their mouth on your penis or testicles as they massage your prostate. But don’t worry if you don’t want anything else stimulated, or if you don’t have an erection. That’s also fine!

If this is your first time being penetrated anally, a finger or two may be more than enough. Also, while some men find prostate play to be an incredible rush the first time they try it, remember that you may not have such a strong reaction immediately. It is completely normal for anal penetration to feel more odd than pleasurable if you are new to it. Your body may just need time interpret the sensation as erotic. The important thing is to continue experimenting and playing, getting comfortable with the sensation, and learning what does it for you.

Further exploration and learning

If you’d like to try a toy, or if you’re playing solo and can’t quite reach comfortably, some excellent beginner’s prostate toys are the Aneros Helix, LELO Bob, and Fun Factory Bootie. After more experimentation, you may find that you really like the sensation of a vibrator against your prostate, in which case we recommend a toy like the Vibratex Pandora or LELO Billy.

We have an entire guide on how to choose an anal toy, so check that out for more guidance on toys. Just remember, use only toys with flared bases anally.

Want to read up on anal play? Pick up Jack Morin’s groundbreaking book, Anal Pleasure & Health (now in its fourth edition!). Want to see prostate massage in action? Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men or Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Pegging can give you some great tips, and sometimes seeing the action visually can be very useful… and hot!


New product round-up for August

We picked up three new dildos from Happy Valley this month: WildeFuze Tango, and Jet. Wilde is based on the design of Harmony, but a bit longer and thicker. The Fuze Tango is just like the double-ended Tango, only it’s made of shiny black silicone. Jet is a semi-realistic dildo with balls that comes in either blue or purple. What do these toys have in common? They’re all great for harness and partner play!

Our newest vibe is Zizo, a firm silicone G-spotter. Its sensual shape is smooth and comfortable, and its 12 vibration modes are both powerful and near-silent.

For your butt, we have the new Aneros Helix Syn. Based on the design of the super-popular Aneros Helix, the Syn is coated in silky silicone, but still retains the rigidity that makes the original such a superb prostate massager.

When you’re a young queer person, you need all the guidance you can get. That’s why we picked up Queer: The Ultimate Guide for LGBT Teens. This book discusses coming out, dating, and how to combat homophobia, along with a plethora of personal stories from the authors and lessons on queer history. If there’s a queer teen in your life, definitely pick this one up for them.

We mentioned in last month’s new product round-up that Aslan Leather does not forget about vegans, and that remains true with their slick Rubber Collar and Rubber Cuffs. Explore your kinky side with these sexy restraints featuring heavy welded rings and buckles.

Bonus! We now have a “New Arrivals” section on our site that you can check whenever you’re wondering what’s fresh. We sometimes announce new products on Facebook and Twitter throughout the month as well.


How to choose an anal toy

Anal play can add variety to your sexual repertoire, not to mention awesome pleasure and enhanced orgasms. And you know what especially rocks about anal play? Anyone can enjoy it! The anal opening is full of sensitive nerve endings that just love to be stimulated. Inside the butt, there is even more fun to be had. Folks with vaginas experience anal pleasure because the clitoral legs extend to the anus. Folks with penises are blessed with a prostate gland, which can facilitate intense orgasms when stimulated.

Of course, we are big fans of utilizing sex toys during anal play. Introducing toys is a good way to experiment with the many sensations of anal stimulation. Selecting an anal toy can seem like a daunting task, but we’re here to take the guesswork out of the process. Don’t worry; it won’t take too long, and you can get to playing with your butt very soon!

Before we get started on helping you find the butt toy of your dreams, here are a few important rules for anal play.

  • Always use lube when playing anally! We recommend a thick, cushioning lube, such as Sliquid SassyAlmost Naked, or Sliquid Organics Gel. For a super targeted lube experience, pick up some Lube Tubes. If you are using a toy that is not made of silicone, you can use a silicone lube such as Pjur. Lube is absolutely necessary because the butt does not self-lubricate. The walls of the rectum are sensitive and thin, and they can be irritated by too much friction. Lube greatly reduces the amount of friction, making for a smooth and pleasurable experience.
  • Make it a rule that only toys with flared bases are welcome in your ass. Without a flared base, the toy could get lost in your colon, resulting in a trip to the emergency room.
  • Relax and don’t rush. If you’re new to anal play, try having an orgasm first, or have someone give you a massage, so your anal sphincter muscles will be more relaxed. If someone is using an anal toy on you, communicate with them constantly. If, in the midst of using your toy, you begin to feel pain: stop.
  • To avoid vaginal infection, never take a toy that has been in the ass and put it in the vagina. If you want to do this, use a condom on the toy and replace it when switching orifices.

Gauge your experience level — and be honest

Above everything else, size is the most important factor when it comes to anal toys. It can be tempting to get all gung-ho about things and try to challenge your ass, but you must resist. The butt is delicate, and toys often feel bigger than they appear. A few of our anal toys come in multiple sizes, so you can graduate to bigger diameters on your anal journey. If you’re interested in that, take a look at the Pleasure PlugsSilks, and Pure Plugs.

If you’ve used fingers for anal penetration before, that is a good way to determine what size of anal toy you’ll want (toys are usually measured by diameter, so try to estimate diameter). Here are some guidelines for choosing a size based on your experience level.

Beginner: You’ve never used an anal toy, or have only used small anal toys or a finger for anal penetration. Stick with a diameter of 0-1″ or so, and a lightweight or pliable material (hard plastic or silicone). Don’t get a toy that looks especially long. Avoid crazy shapes or textures, or toys that bulge out a lot in the middle. Ultimately, just keep it simple! Our favorite beginner toys are the Bootie, small Pleasure PlugBobAneros Helix, and small Silk. You’ll probably want a butt plug (more on them below), as they allow your body to adjust to the sensation of anal penetration.

Intermediate: You’ve had experience with anal toys and feel ready to try something new, or something a bit larger. Stay in the 1-1.5″ diameter range, roughly. You can graduate to heavier materials, like glass, or introduce some texture or vibration (or both!). Perhaps anal beads sound interesting?

Advanced: You know who you are. You want something large and in charge, with a diameter of 1.5″+. The large Pure Plug is probably right up your alley, with both its weight and size (not to mention its shininess!). If you can handle more length, you can look into dildos with flared bases. If you would consider yourself a very advanced player, check out the Tristan 2 or Pure Plug 2.0.

What do you want it to do?

Moment of truth — do you want this toy to stay put in your ass, or do you want it to move around? Keep this answer in mind. If you have a prostate, you may want a toy that is built specifically for stimulating it. Or perhaps you’re looking for something to penetrate a partner with, so you may want a harness-compatible and butt-compatible dildo. There are several types of anal toy, all meant to stimulate in different ways.

Butt plugs: Butt plugs are the most popular type of anal toy, for both beginners and veterans. They are meant to be inserted and then left inside. Butt plugs come in all shapes and sizes, but they generally have a narrow “neck,” which the sphincter naturally closes around, right before their flared base. Because butt plugs stay inside, they help to relax and open up the anus. They can be worn during virtually any activity, from intercourse to masturbation to grocery shopping, to create a sensation of fullness. During sexual activity, a butt plug may even intensify your orgasms, as your muscles contract around the plug.

Anal beads: Anal beads are a series of connected, often graduated spheres, and they’ve come a long way in recent years. They used to be horrifying little PVC beads on strings (yes, actual strings). Now, there are body-safe options such as the Flexi Felix and Bendybeads, which are made entirely of pure silicone. They’re floppy and can be manipulated any which way. Anal beads are meant to be inserted one by one, so you can take your time and allow your body to get used to the feeling before inserting more beads. The best part is, you are in control of the amount of fullness you feel!

When used during vaginal intercourse, anal beads may shift around and stimulate you that way. They can also be gently tugged on before or during orgasm, so that the popping of the beads pairs with your muscle contractions for an enhanced climax.

Prostate toys: Prostate toys have a specific goal in mind: to stimulate the prostate gland in folks who have one. The prostate is located about 2 inches into the anus and, when stimulated, can produce unique pleasure and powerful orgasms. Like the G-spot, the prostate responds best to curved toys. Many toys that were designed for prostate stimulation — like the Duke and Rude Boy — are meant to work their magic hands-free. G-spot toys may also be used as prostate massagers, but only if they have flared/pronounced bases. (Hint: if you’re an advanced player, the Pure Wand might just blow your mind.)

Dildos: As long as a dildo has a flared base, it will work for anal play. Anything labeled “harness compatible” (vibrating and non-vibrating) is safe. Dildos are often longer than butt plugs, so ensure that you can handle length first. Dildos can be hand-held, or used in a harness. If you’ll be anally penetrating someone with a strap-on, look for a dildo with a gentle curve, a smooth texture, and a diameter that your partner can handle. We like the Mistress and Silk series, or if you’re looking for realism, Spur or Mustang. Double-ended dildos like the Share XS can be used in a similar way, with or without a harness.

Just a couple more questions!

You probably have a good idea of what you want at this point! You know what size and type of toy sound good to you. Now there are just two more questions to ask yourself. These should seal the deal.

Which material do I want? Silicone is a pliable, all-purpose material that warms quickly to body temperature. Then there are smooth, hard materials — wood, stainless steel, plastic, and glass — which are best for targeted stimulation. The weight of a material can also add intensity to the stimulation. Stainless steel is the heaviest (most intense), followed by glass, silicone, wood, and plastic. All of these materials are non-porous and body-safe, but the heavier materials should be used with extra care.

Do I want it to vibrate? Vibrations can help your butt relax, but they may also tickle! Still, one of the great things about vibrating toys is that you don’t have to turn on the vibrations if you don’t want to, so if you’re intrigued, check out our vibrating plugs, vibrating prostate massagers, and vibrating dildos. Most of these offerings use regular batteries, with the exception of the high-tech Billy and Duke — they’re rechargeable!

What now?

Hopefully, this guide has helped you find the perfect anal toy for you! For more in-depth information on everything anal, we carry several books about anal sex, such as Anal Pleasure & HealthThe Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women, and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Men. These are great for a comprehensive look at pleasure, anatomy, and safety.

If you’re a visual learner, check out Tristan Taormino’s educational porn DVDs: Expert Guide to Anal SexExpert Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men, and Expert Guide to Pegging.

And of course, if you have more questions, stop in the shop and ask us. We’d be happy to help.


Welcome to She Bop’s blog!

She Bop is a women-owned sex toy boutique specializing in body safe products and education. Our mission is to promote healthy and safe sexuality by offering quality products and educational workshops in a fun and comfortable environment. She Bop welcomes people of all genders and sexual orientations.

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