The crusade against phthalates and toxic toys

When Jennifer Pritchett opened The Smitten Kitten, her goal was to run a sex-positive, feminist adult retail store. But that mission expanded when she discovered the issue of toxic sex toys. She had never heard the word “phthalates” before, but three days before the store’s grand opening in August of 2003, while opening a shipment of inventory, she saw the chemicals in action.

You know those styrofoam packing peanuts? They were moist. And the moisture had oozed through the peanuts and into the cardboard box, so it looked like, you know when you put chocolate chip cookies on a grocery bag and they leave grease marks? That’s what the box looked like . . . They were leaking, oozing, this . . . oily substance . . . And it reeked. It smelled so bad. I’ve told people before, it smells like a headache.

Not knowing what on earth was going on, Pritchett and her staff washed the toys and set them on towels. But it didn’t help — more beads of sweat appeared on the toys. Pritchett called their distributor, who explained that “it happens all the time” and promised replacements. Then she called Metis Black, president of Tantus, who said, “you know what that is, don’t you?”

Pritchett quickly went to work researching phthalates and toxins in sex toys. She talked to others in the industry, fought with her distributor, and realized how huge of an issue she had stumbled upon. It was at this point that the mission of The Smitten Kitten shifted to encompass social justice, environmental justice, and personal health. The store’s entire inventory was revamped, despite the fact that eliminating the toxic toys made it difficult to fill even a 500 square foot shop.

Now there was an explanation for all the burning, rashes, bacterial infections, and unexplained irritation that consumers were having after using sex toys. Still, the conversation needed to change, because most consumers just thought they were too sensitive. Pritchett explains,

What we really worked to do was flip that conversation around. Your body’s having a perfectly natural and appropriate reaction to a toxic toy. To chemicals that were never meant to be in consumer products, and certainly not in consumer products that you come into that intimate of contact with . . . That really resonated with people . . . And then we started to shift the responsibility from our bodies to those products, and to those manufacturers, and those distributors, and those stores.

Pritchett even sent the industry’s 10 bestselling jelly toys to an independent lab in California, where many were found to contain various chemicals that are known to cause cancer, birth defects, and hormonal disruption. In some toys, up to 68% of the total volume of the toy was a hazardous phthalate.

Now, almost 9 years later, we know a bit more about phthalates and toxic sex toys, and many stores (like us and the others in the Progressive Pleasure Club) stock only body-safe toys. But we wouldn’t be at this point without Pritchett and other brave industry folks taking a stand and knowing that a smelly, oily sex toy should not come in contact with anyone’s genitals.

  Community News, Fun Info      phthalates  

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Interviews with the author of Big Big Love

Big Big Love: A Sex and Relationships Guide for People of Size (and Those Who Love Them) is a landmark body-positive book that was originally published in 2000. In 2011, it was majorly overhauled and re-released, and we quickly added it to our catalog. The revised Big Big Love contains new illustrations, interviews, quotes, and resources, as well as more inclusive language surrounding sexuality and gender identity.

Author Hanne Blank was interviewed on both Salon and Bitch about the release. In her interview with Salon, Blank discusses myths about fat sex, what sex and fatness have in common, benefits to fat sex, and fat fetishism. To the question, “Why is a book about fat sex necessary? What is so different about fat sex?”, Blank responds:

What is so different about fat sex is that it’s one of the kinds of sex that mainstream culture tells us we’re not supposed to want, have or approve of. There’s a machine, a huge cultural and industrial juggernaut that is devoted to making us believe that the right kind of sex and the right kind of sexual desirability is the be-all-end-all.

And in her interview with Bitch — which was actually conducted by one of She Bop’s fabulous sales ladies, Yana! — Blank offers her views on reclaiming the word fat, what fat activisim and feminism have in common, fat-negativity in the media, and even her crushes on queer porn director Courtney Trouble and erotic icon April Flores. When Bitch asks, “Who was Big Big Love written for?” Blank says,

BBL was written for people who have bodies and who also negotiate their own sexuality, especially if — but not exclusively if — they’re fat. It’s also for anyone who is or has ever been attracted to, interested in or in a relationship with someone who is, was or might someday be fat.

. . . It’s not exactly a big secret that people with bodies of all different sizes often feel that their bodies are “not good enough” for them to deserve happy, healthy, satisfying sex lives. Threats of undesirability or unloveability are used to terrorize, oppress and silence women. It is a cultural dictate that “good,” “successful,” “real” women are those who are sexually desired, objectified and the objects of a particular kind of love that is directly connected to a particular model of physical attractiveness. In the book, I call this out for the hurtful, insidious bullshit that it is.

Indeed. And that is why Big Big Love is such an important book — it’s really written for everyone.

  Fun Info      body positivity, interviews  

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A quadriplegic woman’s journey to sexual happiness

This personal essay was originally published in 2006, but it is so honest and important that it deserves to be highlighted. Getting Around: How I Discovered My Wheelchair Wasn’t a Chastity Belt by Tiffiny Carlson is a poignant piece about a woman growing up and taking charge of her sexuality.

Carlson broke her neck when she was fourteen after doing a swan dive into a lake. As a a low-level quadriplegic, she has the use of her biceps and wrists, but no triceps function. For the first few years after her accident, Carlson felt out-of-place at school and worried that she would never find a partner. Because she had no experience with sexual pleasure prior to her injury, she also had trouble masturbating.

But Carlson persisted. She found boyfriends, experimented with online dating, had new sexual experiences, and slowly learned what felt best to her.

During the movie, we sat on my automatic bed and made out. He leaned over and quickly pulled up my tank, exposing my breasts. He was so deft, so confident, and clearly experienced. I let go at that point and let him explore me at will. I’m a submissive at heart and get turned on from giving up complete control. Being paralyzed makes that very easy to do, which is perhaps the one ironic benefit of my accident.

He reached down into my panties and found my clit in a millisecond. I was shocked. My legs started jumping around as he rubbed it furiously. I had never, ever thought my clit could give me that much pleasure.

. . . I was so excited about how great sex could be that I went on a tear and had sex with eight men in eight weeks. It was shockingly easy to do. Guys came out of the woodwork on MySpace, OkCupid and Match when they saw I was a sexy single blonde — disabled, sure, but most didn’t care . . . Some were good, some were bad. But the whole experience was physically and emotionally exhilarating.

Read Carlson’s full piece on Nerve.

  Fun Info      disability  

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Dissecting the blackboards in porn

What is the internet for, if not uber-specific blogs such as Blackboards in Porn? This deliciously safe-for-work blog takes a photo of a blackboard in a porn scene, along with fully-clothed performers, and analyzes the information for accuracy, issuing a grade from 1-10. Subjects are varied: chemistry, math, music, English, and history have all been covered thus far. Impressive!

It’s hard to choose a favorite, really, because each analysis is pretty hilarious. But I did really enjoy this one:

The title Imperial Russia 1609-1752 is something of a misnomer. The Russian Empire wasn’t founded until 1721 — before that date it was the Tsardom of Russia. In fact, the date range chosen for module 3271 does seem somewhat arbitrary. The main study question is rather awkwardly posed, using a mixture of tenses, but is open enough to stretch the more able students.

Handwriting is rather sloppy — all caps, sometimes at a rather wild angle, and with one map label illegible. The student pictured has been lucky to find Professor Stefano in, as his office hours are somewhat idiosyncratic. But this could be a result of education cutbacks, or flexitime due to his personal circumstances, so will not affect the overall score. (In fact, his work-life balance may be under threat as he feels the need to specify that he does not work at weekends.)

Overall: a very good effort – 7/10.

I learn something new each time this blog is updated, so I hope it will be around for a long time! The blog author is looking for user submissions, so if you have a picture of a blackboard in porn (SFW or otherwise), email blackboardsinporn AT googlemail.com.

  Fun Info      porn  

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Porn myths, debunked

There sure is a lot to discuss when it comes to porn, and no shortage of posts on the internet about it. However, when I came across a porn myth series by Dr. Brooke Magnanti, a forensic scientist, statistician, and former sex worker, I knew it was something special.

The five-part series of posts looks at various questions that many folks have when it comes to porn, examining the research that has been done, both credible and questionable. Best of all, there are links to many of the studies/papers, so you can read them in full and form your own opinion on the research. Here are the five posts.

• Does porn objectify women?
• Is pornography violent?
• Does porn make men see women differently?
• Is porn taking over the internet?
• On feminist porn (my favorite!)

If nothing else, Magnanti’s posts confirm that sweeping generalizations about porn are not useful. There are so many varieties of porn out there, and the industry cannot be pinned down easily. At She Bop we’re discerning with our porn selection for this very reason.

In a similar vein, I found a post by Dr. Marty Klein (sex therapist and author) about his experience at a porn shoot. The post – Deep in the Valley: Going to a Porn Shoot — makes a very poignant point about watching porn.

Sooner or later, watching the same people having sex is repetitive and boring — unless, of course, you’re adding to it via fantasy, imagination, arousal, and voyeurism. I didn’t do much of that, because I was there working (yeah, I know — nice gig). So yes, watching the shoot did reduce the sex (along with the filming itself) to a technical craft. She used her left hand when the camera needed it, even though she’s right-handed. He stopped right in the middle of licking her when some sweat dripped into a bowl of fruit.

Some people condemn how watching porn at home supposedly does the same thing — it reduces sex to “mechanics.” But the critical difference between watching a film being made and watching it at home is what the consumer brings to the experience. And that transforms the “mechanics” into something stimulating . . .

What a consumer brings to a porn film is imagination, privacy, a little time, maybe lube or a toy. And that gives the images meaning — erotic meaning. When anti-porn crusaders take the same film and add fear, anger, and a sense of helplessness, they also give the images meaning — but distinctly un-sexy ones (such as “exploitation” and “immorality”). So:

Porn + nothing = neutral meaning
Porn + privacy + time + imagination = positive meaning
Porn + fear, loneliness + anger = negative meaning

I’d never thought of it this way, but it makes so much sense. Porn is given meaning by the viewer. Makes you feel powerful, doesn’t it?

  Fun Info      porn, studies  

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The problem with identity-based sex toy categories

Perhaps you’ve seen these category labels in online sex shops before: “gay sex toys,” “lesbian sex toys,” “sex toys for women,” “sex toys for men.” Some retailers take this approach because they assume it makes it easier for the consumer to find a toy that suits them.

At She Bop we disagree, which is why we were impressed by this lovely article by Cory Silverberg, “Identity Based Sex Toy Shopping.” This article deftly explains why categorizing sex toys based on gender identity or sexual orientation is problematic. These categories are centered around assumptions and stereotypes. They are limiting at best — and offensive at worst.

Categories such as “gay sex toys” and “lesbian sex toys” are not only useless — they’re insulting. Often these categories exist to set queer people apart from other shoppers, implying that only a handful of toys are available to them, whereas the entire catalog is open to straight/non-queer shoppers. And, as Silverberg puts it,

Knowing someone is gay tells you something about who they may be having sex with (if they are even having partnered sex at the time), but it tells you nothing about how they feel pleasure in their body, what parts of their body they like to engage when having sex, or what the context or details of the sex play are . . .

If I am a lesbian, and I start my sex toy shopping by clicking on the “lesbian sex toy” category on some sex shop website I am immediately narrowing my options based on someone else’s (usually misguided and narrow-minded) understanding of the kind of things lesbians find sexually pleasurable.

A similar issue exists with “sex toys for men” and “sex toys for women.” These categorizes are extremely insensitive to those who don’t fit into the gender binary. They also assume that gender somehow dictates the type of toy a person will like, and that simply isn’t true.

. . . we shouldn’t confuse anatomy with gender. Not everyone who is a man has the same body parts. All women don’t feel pleasure in the same way from the same areas of their body. And you’ll notice that for the most part when companies and retailers talk about gender they only give you the two options. Plenty of us experience gender as something more complicated than a choice between column A and column B. You can say the same about our potential for sexual pleasure.

Part of being sex-positive and feminist means never making assumptions about customers. Category labels such as “sex toys for men” and “lesbian sex toys” just make far too many assumptions for our liking.

You will notice that in our online shop, we categorize toys mostly by type (vibrators, dildos, anal toys, etc.). We also have a “Gender Expression” category that includes packers, binders, and other items. Our “We Bop” category includes an array of toys that couples of all flavors can enjoy — the Share and We-Vibe, for example, can be used in different ways by different couples.

Our “He Bop” category lists cock rings, masturbation sleeves, and anal toys. We chose the phrase “He Bop” because we wanted male-bodied folks to know that we carry toys for them too. Of course, “He Bop” is also a fun play on our name, and a reference to the song we got our name from: Cyndi Lauper’s “She Bop,” which is about sexual empowerment for everyone.

She bop – he bop – a – we bop
I bop – you bop – a – they bop
be bop – be bop – a – lu – she bop

  Community News, Fun Info     

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Brain scans pinpoint female sexual response

This graphic just about says it all:

60 years after mapping out the male brain in response to sexual stimulation, scientists have finally scanned the female brain. The findings? Stimulation of the clitoris and stimulation of the vagina each activate different regions of the brain’s sensory cortex. And nipple stimulation causes the genital area of the cortex to light up, which scientifically explains the very obvious fact that nipple stimulation is erotic. Thank goodness!

The research was conducted first by a team at University Children’s Hospital in Switzerland, where the team used functional magnetic resonance imaging to pinpoint the area of the sensory cortex that responds to clitoral stimulation. The position of the clitoris on the sensory cortex corresponded pretty closely to the position of the penis in men.

A second team of researchers at Rutgers University in New Jersey picked up where the others left off, determining the positions of the clitoris, vagina, and cervix on the sensory cortex as women stimulated themselves. Sadly, they only stimulated “the front wall of the vagina generally,” so no word yet on what G-spot stimulation does in the brain.

This is definitely a “well, duh” news item, but at least researchers are finally taking more interest in female sexual response!

  Fun Info, Sex in the News      research, science  

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TSA a-okay with sex toys

Two emotions I felt while reading this article: relief and amusement. Finally, acknowledgement from the Transportation Safety Administation (TSA) that, for them, sex toys are no big deal! Even BDSM toys — whips, floggers, chains, leashes, cuffs, and restraints — are fine to pack in a carry-on bag.

Sex toys are not only legal to travel with; they’re expected. Inspectors know a vibrator when they see one, and they will not confiscate it. However, travelers should remember that inspectors are trained to keep an eye out for electronic devices.

The best solution? Just don’t be nervous. If you need a little pep talk, remind yourself that vibrators are common — roughly half the women in the U.S. own one, and vibrators have been around longer than airplanes. If asked about your toy, stay calm and give a straightforward answer; “that’s my dildo” is perfect. Don’t lie about what the toy is.

There is one ominous category of items that is acceptable only for checked luggage, but not carry-on luggage: “billy clubs, black jacks, brass knuckles, nunchakus and martial arts weapons.” This category includes “anatomically correct cylinders of roughly a foot or so in length,” or any sex toy that could be defined as “club-like.”

A prime example of such a thing would be the njoy Eleven, a massive, 2-pound stainless steel dildo. Hilariously, the TSA spokesman was asked specifically about this toy, and he said (presumably in a very official tone of voice), “We would call that a baton-like item. It could be considered a weapon.”

Generally, anything under 7 inches in length does not fall into this category, and thus is fine to bring in carry-ons. Just be sure to remove the batteries from your vibrator and follow the 3-1-1 rule with lube.

  Fun Info, Sex in the News      travel, TSA  

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Finally! A bra guide for queer folks!

Yes! Lesbian social commentary website Autostraddle put together something that was sorely needed: a guide to bra shopping for those who identify as queer. The Bra Issue: Queer Fashion Guide For Various Shapes, Sizes and Gender Expressions is a guide to navigating the wide world of bras, whether your gender expression leans feminine, masculine, neutral or somewhere in between.

The in-depth guide features tips for finding a style of bra that fits correctly and makes you feel fantastic. The staff present their top picks for small boobs, large boobs, femme/girly shoppers, gender-neutral shoppers, and butch shoppers.

There’s also a section on binding that mentions binder/compression shirts like the ones we carry (Tri-Top Chest Binder and Double Panel Compression Shirt Binder).

But this isn’t just a bra guide. Interspersed between the bra recommendations are a few personal essays: “What’s A Butch To Do” and “What To Do With Boobs from a Queer Fat Femme Perspective.” Both are great reads. A quote from “What’s a Butch To Do”:

I want to seduce MYSELF and feel confident and sexual and powerful with a Special Lady. I want to hypnotize her with my boobs. I cannot do this in a flowery lace Balis Minimizer that my mother forced me to wear my entire life ’cause I carry 38Ds . . . we just need a designer to understand for the masculeeene lady – our femininity is IN our masculinity and someday I hope there is a bra that supports that.

See what I did. Supports that. Our boobs.

Har, har. Autostraddle also has a queer swimsuit guide and underwear guide. Totally awesome.

  Fun Info      gender expression, gender identity, underwear  

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Masturbation myths to blame for sex toy double standard

Female masturbation and sex toy use have become more mainstream in the past few years, yet there is still a pretty pervasive stigma when it comes to a man using a sex toy for masturbation. This thoughtful article by feminist blogger and gender studies professor Hugo Schwyzer examines this sex toy double standard — and why it continues to prevail.

It all traces back to myths about male and female masturbation. One such myth is that “real men have sex with real vaginas.” According to this myth,

. . . male masturbation — and especially a “penis sleeve” . . . signals a “lack of sexual success.” Male masturbation, in other words, is about relieving frustration — and for too many people, frustration is a consequence of failure. A sexually successful man should have enough sex (with women, of course, as our myths tend to exclude gay and bi men) that he only rarely gets “frustrated.”

But that’s not the only myth at play. Schwyzer spoke with sex educator Charlie Glickman to get his thoughts on the subject. Glickman believes that male sexuality is traditionally viewed as simple, whereas female sexuality is seen as complex, and this leads to a skewed perception of both.

Female sexuality is seen as complicated and mysterious, he told me, while male sexuality is seen as simple. Men learn to masturbate early, and usually quickly, worried that they’ll get caught. As a result, Charlie said, many of the men he works with still masturbate the same way at 40 that they did at 14. The focus is on “getting off” fast, not on drawing out ecstasy. Though many women do masturbate for quick relief . . . a focus on prolonged pleasure rather than simple release is still viewed as female.

Charlie pointed out that he’s never heard a gay man complain about a male lover who masturbates. But some women are threatened by their boyfriends or husbands masturbating, frequently because they’ve been raised to believe that it’s their job to be the pleasure provider in the relationship. As long as we believe that men masturbate out of a simple lack of opportunity for “real sex,” then women will believe that masturbation is a kind of rejection . . . On the other hand, plenty of folks believe that women’s sexuality is so intense and mysterious that men can rarely hope to satisfy it. So a woman masturbating with a wonderful toy she bought online is doing for herself something no man can — but a guy rubbing one out by himself is “depriving” his female partner of what is rightfully “hers.”

Read the whole post — it’s wonderful. There is not enough conversation surrounding this issue, so it’s good to see someone tackling it so eloquently.

It’s important for us to view these myths as what they are — to realize when they are influencing us, and to actively reject them. Sex toys for men are awesome, and they serve the exact same purpose as sex toys for women: to make sex with ourselves and with others more interesting and fun.

  Community News, Fun Info      Charlie Glickman, Hugo Schwyzer, masturbation, myths  

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